I Saw You

I saw you yesterday.
Sitting in traffic at a red light, you looked in my direction with an empty, hollow stare. If you recognized me, you didn’t let on. I doubt you made the connection, too caught up in your mission.

Flying a sign for money, the gas can prop sitting by your feet. You have become hard to look at. It’s like seeing a warped reflection of my past self. I am afraid for you.

The ugliness of addiction has stolen the man I knew. 7 years ago you were my inspiration. You had multiple years away from drugs and alcohol and you were an amazing example of recovery and service. You showed me what hope looked like and that it was possible for me.

I know you have faced challenges in the last year that were unfair and inconsolable, things no one should  ever had to face. Situations and circumstance became our “reason” to attempt an escape from our feelings. You took the shortcut to nowhere that only leads us back to misery and a cycle of destruction that is impossible to free ourselves from alone. There are no shortcuts to learning how to live.

I have extended my hand to you countless times, but you are too wrapped in the lies we tell ourselves. You push me away, telling me as soon as you feel better, you will reach out for my hand. If I had waited until I felt better to get help, I would be dead.

I can’t give you change,  I can only share my hope with you and remind you that, if you chose it, there is a solution.

You know who you are.
You know where I am.
You know what we do.
You know how we recover.
When you are ready.

We all stop using…one way or another. I pray you come back before it is too late.

I miss you, my friend.

The light turns green. I drive, but carry you with me in my heart.

“There but for the grace of God go I.”

~S.D.

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