What’s best for me?

Friends and family call it attention seeking, whining, or being weak. Pull my head out and I’ll be fine.

Psychiatrists, therapists and counselors say it’s depression. Take this pill and I’ll be fine.

Fellows in the program are confident it’s the spiritual malady. Clean house, trust God and help others, and I’ll be fine.

To me it feels like a broken heart…not the “teen-angst-romantic-after-school-special” broken heart, but a deep emptiness, loneliness and sense of not belonging no matter where I go or what I do. I tell myself that nothing is forever. As long as I don’t let my thoughts get the best of me, the feeling will change. This too shall pass and I’ll be fine.

It all feels like a lie.
I want instant gratification.
I want to feel better now.
I want relief.
I want…
I want..
I want.

I have no clue what’s best for me,

In Your time,
On Your terms,
According to Your plan,

~S.D.

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2 thoughts on “What’s best for me?

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