You couldn’t tell it by looking at me, not at first anyway, but I know. I don’t want to admit it, but from early on, there was always this nagging feeling that there was something terribly wrong. I used to think if I just blocked it out then all would be fine, but it is becoming apparent that this condition won’t fix it self.
Although I have no formal training I am determined to find a cure. I lock myself in a makeshift laboratory while I search for a concoction that will fix me.
The transformations are coming more frequently now. I can’t control my nature. It is manageable for the most part, but sometimes I can’t even remember the person I was the night before …the things I did. Its beginning to frighten me. I rarely know myself anymore. My need for control is growing opposite the thing this thing inside of me.
My trials for a perfect solution went well for a time. An amateur chemist, my basic knowledge of potions and elixirs should prove to be sufficient in silencing the ever growing uneasiness that wells up inside of me. I have found something powerful enough to quel the beast that lurks in the shadows of my soul.
The experiments eventually paid off. I found I can safely mix with other people for short amounts of time. I am learning to release this inner torment in subtle bursts. My prescriptions bring much relief but they wear off, becoming ineffective and that feeling of uncontrolable urgency returns.
I am an obsessed mad man, locked away as a safeguard against harming others. Afraid of what I will do if released upon the unsuspecting public. I am not ok. I push those close to me far away. Can’t you see I am protecting you?
He’s finally quiet. I never liked him anyways …weak. Always trying to keep me locked up. I don’t need him…or any of them. Just me and my precious poisons. Sweet silence. No one understands. This is who I am now. Leave me alone.
I am the beast that dwells inside.