Fight, Flight or A New Way of Life?

The only complete surrender I have ever had was giving up drugs and alcohol and giving all of me to a spiritual program of action.
The desparation was so great, I had fully exhausted my own resources and I asked for help.
Everything else since has been a seried of exercises in letting go and letting God.

My instinct is fight or flight.
It typically looks like me inflating myself for battle until I realize I am going to lose and then I vanish.
I am utterly incapable of removing a defect of character.
I don’t know how to shatter fear and crush selfishness.
How do I smash a delusion?
I must have a Power greater than myself.

I believe I don’t have to feel pain in order to change, but self will and determination is so strong in me, that I make it a necessity to struggle before I decide to accept spiritual help.
I manufacture my own misery until I am done.
Experience has taught me that hope and change is limitless, if I continue to do the work.
I am willing.
I am honest.
I am open minded.
I practice daily and slowly I stop fighting.
I surrender a little more of my self everyday to this New Way of Life.

~S.D.

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