Not Drinking or Not Having to Drink

For me, there had to be a physical separation from alcohol…a forced time out…a safe place to heal, rest and eat.

There were physical cravings…the withdrawal as my body detoxified itself from chemicals in my bloodstream…it was sitting in pain and discomfort knowing that my brand of relief would only start the vicious cycle again.

When the cravings stopped there was a brief window of opportunity before the obsession took over again. I never knew how long the window would remain open so I used human tools to white knuckle my way through each day…all the while knowing there would be a time when these human powers would fail me.

Self-knowledge, fear, avoidance of temptation, consequences and promises were my friends as I walked through life dry…restless, irritable and discontent.

One day at a time, I began to realize that the obsession to drink, my flawed thinking, would return full force and that without an alternative solution, I would have no choice but to drink. It became apparent that if I wanted true recovery I would have to do more than just not drink. I would have to change the way I thought.

I have never been a master over my own thinking and I have never been very effective in changing my feelings with a thought. Thankfully I didn’t have to. A group of wonderful folks adopted me and showed me that I could live different by acting different. Simple but not easy…a rigorous program of action designed to bring about a  change sufficient to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Now rooted in the solution I can go anywhere or do anything. I don’t have to fight alcohol, the craving or the obsession. I live a life where I don’t have to drink or use. I have freedom and a new way of life…as long as I treat my condition on a daily basis.

Without a solution, for me, not drinking is a temporary fix at best…

~ S.D.

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