Left the H & I commitment at the jail and met a sponsee for the 7th step-
As we reconfirm our commitment to this new way of life, I am reminded that I am no longer the same person I was when I first found sobriety. I have undergone a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery.
To me, the essence of the 7th step is humility and sacrificing what I was for a chance to be part of something greater. It is the opportunity to no longer be a victim of my own dishonesty, resentment, selfishness and fear. I no longer have the luxury of blaming anyone else for how I deal with life.
When I give all of me, the good and the bad, it means I don’t necessarily know what stands in the way of my usefulness to the Universe or my fellows. It means that I become accountable for my actions.
When in doubt, I have a new set of principles to operate on. I am armed with self awareness and the exact nature of my wrongs- my defects (what I do) and my shortcomings (what I don’t do). This brings forth a responsibility to do everything in my power to act different and when I can’t I turn to the Universe for strength and guidance.
I don’t remove my own defects but can decide to respond to life instead of react to it with my old set of ineffective values that no longer serve me. I have a choice to get on my knees rather than be forced to them. I can decide how much I choose to surrender or fight.
If the first 6 steps were effective, then I have been practicing acceptance, hope, commitment, honesty, truthfulness and willingness. All spiritual “tools” to deflate my ego and bring me out of my self-centeredness. With the step 7 comes a realistic assessment of both my assets and my defects, I become right-sized and teachable. Now I no longer think less of myself, I just think of my self less.
In the short time I spent in prayer with another who suffers from the same internal condition as me, I am further entrenched in this new state of being.