Meditating on powerlessness and unmanageablity.
What I understand of Step 1 with regards to alcohol, is that: Powerlessness is the physical “phenomenon of craving” where once started I can’t control the amount I take. Another form of powerlessness is the mental obsession where I have no control over staying stopped even when I am not drinking.
Both are associated with my personal inability to control something that is uncontrollable.
The unmanageability is the component defined as the spiritual malady or a maladjustment to life. It’s described many different ways and manifests in various forms but it is essentially an inability to accept and function under life’s terms. I express this dissatisfaction with life through resentment, fear, dishonesty and selfishness.
Looking at powerlessness and unmanageablity, beyond alcohol, I realize I have no control over people, places, things, situations and circumstance. On occassion, I can’t even control my own thoughts and actions.
I suspect the powerlessness is my inability to control the moment, that which is happening right now, as well as my inability to control the future or what I want to happen. The unmanageability leads me to seek a solution for relief. When untreated, the spiritual malady activates the great obsession which eventually gives into the first drink, thereby awakening the phenomena of craving. This is the alcoholic cycle I experience when I have no program of action.
The solution, for me, lies in a Power Greater than myself, acceptance, gratitude, real honesty, pause and the ability to act despite fear and selfcenteredness.
When I do what I can (usually following direction from someone other than myself), investing myself in the process. Then, I know I have made the effort and the results are the responsibility of my Higher Power.This is where I find serenity, peace, balance and relief from self – imposed crises.