He was loved by nearly everyone he met. He was bright, funny and commanded attention when he entered a room. Things came relatively easy for him and people enjoyed his company.
But I knew him better than everyone else. He wasn’t who he pretended to be. He would look you in the eye and lie. He made promises he had no intention of keeping and he would take from you without a second thought. Inevitably, he would betray every confidence and burn every bridge as he crossed them.
He would build magnificent things that inspired awe to all who saw them. Then without warning or reason, he would tear them down. He made friends and used them until there was nothing left and he would disappear. I wanted to love him too. I wanted to change him and fix whatever was broken inside of him. But he was always too much for me to control.
I knew that he would be my downfall if I continued to associate with him. I knew he would end up destroying everything he touched and leave me holding the bag. He was unfixable. If I could just get away from him, then all would be well.
I had finally had enough and I left. I didn’t even say goodbye, instead I grabbed what few belongings I had and moved far, far away where he would never find me.
All went well for awhile. I made new friends and started to build a place for myself in the world. I took pride in my relationships and for once, no one judged me for his actions.
Then one day, he returned. He took me by surprise. It was as if he had never left. Slowly, he began to ruin everything I had come to love. I watched as he roared through the lives of everyone around me, leaving nothing but wreckage in his wake. It didn’t matter where I went, he would always follow me, it was only a matter of time.
It was then that I realized we were inseparable. I was him and he was me.
There is no escaping myself. It doesn’t matter where I am. It only matters who I am. I don’t want my old life back. I need a New Design for Living.