To Love or Be Love

​If “love,” on the surface, was enough, then I would be “cured.” When I was using, people close to me loved me more than I was capable of reciprocating. That one-sided relationship made me a black hole that consumed anything and everything that I came into contact with. I sucked the life out of those who cared and took until there was nothing left. When people gave, it only served to feed the life I was living. I pushed others to the point that they had to stop enabling me and cosigning my behavior. 
External love is great, as far as it goes, but I needed an internal love of self for my recovery to be effective. This fact was in direct conflict with how I felt when I began my journey in sobriety. I had no self worth. It is said that esteemable acts build self-esteem, but I had none. My growth began simply by doing the next right thing.  Slowly, over time, things began to change. 
I had to be Honest, Willing and Open-minded. These qualities helped me become an open channel, capable of experiencing  spiritual principles like Surrender, Acceptance, Hope, Trust, Truth, Faith, Humility, Accountability,  Forgiveness, Perseverance, Growth and Freedom.
It is through these principles that I am awakened to a Higher form of Love. This carries me when I fall short of the mark. 
~ S.D.

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