Friend or Foe?

I thought they were real friends but they deceived me. They were never really healthy relationships to begin with. I started out using them, but they ended up using me in ways I never could have foreseen.
Mary Jane was one of my oldest companions. She was never much of a problem…at first. Mary and I did all kinds of stuff together. We spent time drawing, writing and playing music. Everything I did was enhanced by her presence, even laughter seemed better with her there. After a while we would default to the couch and bad TV, spending hours talking about the things we would do, but never actually doing anything. Mary kept me dreaming dreams that always remained just out of reach.
Jack was my best friend, or so I thought. He was always there. He kept me at ease, making me feel like everything was alright. He said the things I was too embarrassed to say. He could fight. Well, at least he could take a punch and shrug it off. We were accepted almost anywhere we went, as long as he didn’t drive. Jack was smooth and got many women, but he also began to drive them away. I kept him in line for a long time, but eventually he took over my life too.
Coco stayed by me when no one else wanted anything to do with me. She kept me going and let me feel energized and alive, locked in my room. I relied on her when I was tired, weak or scared. I thought I could control her, but she ended up ruling my world. She took everything I had. When the kids, the house, the job and the car were gone, she started taking what was left of my soul. Coco was a liar and a thief. I gave myself to her despite my apprehension. She told me she would never let me go and I believed her.
I had many other friends, but I always put them second. I was afraid to have real relationships. I checked out and chose not to feel. I picked my  friendships based on what I could take and I got taken for everything I had.
~ S.D.


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