Mindful or Mind-filled 

From the moment I wake, my mind begins to fill with necessary daily distractions like the problems I could not solve from yesterday, clothes, hygiene, traffic, food, work, people, things and my clever plans for tomorrow. My mind whirls and I react reflexively and methodically. I was taught to embrace this feeling; to be equipped and prepared, come  what may.
I become an efficient machine, surgical and sterile. I learned to function like this; process, adapt and overcome. I catapult into the next moment before this moment has even had a chance to exist. I move with muscle memory, focused and automatic. Thinking without thought. I adopted this as a mechanism for coping with life. My instincts and reflexes are quick, but out of balance. My priorities are skewed by years of living wrapped in a blanket of selfishness. 
Day-to-day drudgery serves me and separates me in the same second. There are things I must do and I benefit when I do these chores to the best of my ability. I must function in society, but more has been revealed that I can no longer deny.


Slowly, I have awakened to a new existence where I am part of a larger Whole. My feelings, thoughts and material preoccupations are increasingly insignificant, opposite the Grand Scheme. This new awareness beckons to me, demanding my attention. The din of regular routine dims and the clamor quiets. 
I am struck with the realization that my life is no longer mine. I have purpose past parsimonious plans. The pursuit of what I hope to squeeze out of life for myself is not my empty emphasis. 
I seek balance and harmony between selfishness and selflessness, as I blend the spiritual with the material.
I walk with my feet on earth and my head in the clouds. 


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