I can’t shake the feeling that if I can only hold him under the water long enough he will drown and cease to exist. He will never disturb me or hurt anyone else ever again.
I wrap my fingers even tighter around his throat. I cannot take one more minute of his rambling. He is always so self-absorbed, stubborn and unwilling to listen. Constantly looking out for number one with no concern for anyone but himself. Even when he acts kind, he does it with an expectation of reward and he is always even more resentful when he doesn’t get what he thinks he deserves.
I tell myself I am doing the world a favor. Locked in a fight for life and death. I can see him squirming, even in his last moments he refuses to give up. In the splashes of the water I catch glimpses of distorted reflections of self. I don’t recognize who I have become. So filled with fear and anger. So sure I know what’s right. So much better than him.
The water settles and the bubbles stop. The water is crystal clear, I look up and see myself.
“Simple but not easy. A price had to be paid. It meant the destruction of selfcenteredness.”