Stumbling 

Most of the time I feel as if I am walking on solid ground, no longer prey to people, places, things, situation or circumstance. I have been able to walk through weeks and even months without being a victim of external strife or a volunteer for internal misery and depression.
Then seemingly without warning or reason, I can lose my footing in an instant. I stumble, fumble and tumble without any grace. Awkward and ugly, embarrassed that I let anyone see the person I try so desperately not to be. I want to be an example of good but feel like a reflection of what I despise the most.
Bombarded by a rush of familar feelings I thought were gone, feelings I know no longer serve me, I feel betrayed by an entire lineage of overpowering emotion.
Self-doubt creeps in, closely followed by her mother, Fear. Then Anger rises up to protect his father, Pride. Finally, their offspring, Depression and Self-Pity wail for attenion, refusing to be ignored. So many emotions wanting to be recognized, chasing away my new family, Inspiration and Serenity.
But Clarity and Awareness are still present too. They offer me Comfort. I take their hands and they guide me back to where I want to be.
I can recognize my former “friends” for who they are. I smile and tell them it’s time to go. I release them to the Universe to manage for me and I begin this day with those who keep me on the path I need to be on.
There is no way around what I feel, the only road is through my emotions. I choose my friends wisely and I walk with intent and purpose.
~ S.D.

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2 thoughts on “Stumbling 

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