The only complete surrender I have ever had was giving up drugs and alcohol and giving all of me to a spiritual program of action. The desperation was so great that I had fully exhausted my own resources and I asked for help. Everything since has been a series of exercises in letting go and letting God.
My natural instinct is fight or flight. It typically looks like me inflating myself for battle until I realize I am going to lose and then I vanish. I am utterly incapable of removing a defect of character. I don’t know how to shatter fear and crush selfishness.
How do I smash a delusion?
I must have a Power greater than myself. I believe I don’t have to feel pain in order to change, but self-will and determination is so strong in me that I make it a necessity to struggle before I decide to accept spiritual help. I manufacture my own misery until I am done. Experience has taught me that hope and change are limitless if I continue to do the work.
I am willing.
I am honest.
I am open-minded.
I practice daily and slowly I stop fighting.
I surrender a little more of myself everyday to this New Way of Life.