I was born into this world out love, with all I needed. I was happy, healthy and whole. I was complete and carefree.
Yet, somewhere deep inside, lay lurking a nagging notion that I didn’t have enough; that I wasn’t enough; and that I would never be enough.
I began to compare the emptiness I felt inside with what I saw others exhibit on the outside. My internal condition didn’t match the contentedness I saw on the faces of those around me. I felt incomplete, as if everyone else was privileged to some knowledge or information that I was lacking. I wanted what they had, but didn’t know how to live that way. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt different from everyone else, always craving to be the center of attention, but forever feeling alone in a crowd.
I escaped into my imagination to create a reality where I no longer had to be a part of a world I didn’t understand. Slowly, my emptiness grew and with it I became further removed from the life I wished I could have have. I saw insurmountable dreams fade and with them left my hope of being normal, like I assumed everyone else was.
I found an escape that made those empty, lonely feelings subside. For a few fleeting moments I was satiated and placated. I was neither empty or alone. Finally, I was ok. This brief respite from self became my solution for dealing with the constant yearning of my internal condition. I needed more, so that I could feel less. My thirst increased as I tried to quench the unquenchable.
I believed the lie that a substance could placate me and fill the limitless void in my soul. I lived that lie and made it my false reality. Years spanned into decades and I became a slave to the lie, removed from the world I wanted so desperately to be a part of.
Today, I reject the lie. I face the truth with acceptance. My insides will never compare to how I perceive others from the outside. Comparing doesn’t serve me. I have innate desire to be connected to the Universe and my fellow human beings. No external substance will fix my internal condition or quell my limitless urge. My craving for more can only be satisfied by a Power Greater than myself. The Great Reality was there all the time.
I was never separate. I have always been a part of. The answer to my struggle lay just below my wanting and insecurity. Self reliance kept me in fear until I found faith in something hidden deep within. I am exactly as I should be. I have enough; I am enough; I will always be enough.
I am complete and carefree. I am happy, healthy and whole. I am born into this world out of love, with all I need.