Not Getting Loaded or Not Having to Get Loaded?

For me, there had to be a physical separation from drugs and alcohol, a forced time out- a safe place to heal, rest and eat.
There were physical cravings; the withdrawal as my body detoxified itself from chemicals in my bloodstream. I sat in pain and discomfort, knowing that my brand of familiar relief would only start the vicious cycle again.
When the cravings stopped there was a brief window of opportunity before the obsession took over again- an interval of opportunity.  I didn’t know how long this window would remain open so I used human tools to white knuckle my way through each day, all the while knowing there would be a time when my human powers would fail me.
Self-knowledge, fear, avoidance of temptation, consequences and promises were my friends as I walked through life dry- restless, irritable and discontent.
One day at a time, I began to realize that the obsession to drink and my flawed thinking, would return full force. Without an alternative solution, I would have no choice but to drink. It became apparent that if I wanted to truly recover I would have to do more than just not drink or use. I would have to change the way I thought, but how does one change the way they think?
I have never been a master over my own thinking and I have never been very effective in changing my feelings with a thought. Thankfully, I didn’t have to. A group of wonderful people adopted me and showed me that I could live different by acting different. Simple but not easy- a rigorous program of action designed to bring about change sufficient to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Now rooted in the solution, I can go anywhere or do anything. I don’t have to fight alcohol- the craving or the obsession. I live a life where I don’t have to drink or use. I have freedom and a new way of life- as long as I treat my condition on a daily basis.
Without a real solution, ‘not getting loaded’ is a temporary fix at best.
~ S.D.


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