Why?

Why?
Why am I an alcoholic?

Why am I an addict?
Is it nature or nuture?

Did I stop breastfeeding too early?

Was I dropped on my head?

Too many cookies and not enough hugs?

Is there something or someone to blame?

Is my condition a result of external consequences I suffered from my drinking or using?

It is it where I drank? What I used? Who I got loaded with?

I suspect it’s genetic but I don’t know.

Why does not matter.
I am an addict and alcoholic because at sometime in my drinking and using career I completely lost control of my consumption.

When I put a mind altering substance in my body I suffer a physical phenomenon of craving and I cannot control the amounts I take.

I have a mental obsession beyond my control that keeps me from staying stopped on my own.

I suffer from an illness, a spiritual malady, for which, the only solution that has ever worked for me, is to continously treat my afflicted internal condition.
I love the “whys.” 

Why feeds my need to understand. But “why” is  not a spiritual question. It is intellectual and theoretical. It quickly becomes circular reasoning that only serves to keep me in the problem while the solution remains elusive.

Why is an exercise in mental masturbation- it feels good, but it is really a waste of time. There is no intellectual cure for a spiritual sickness. My thoughts and feelings, while important are insignificant in treating my condition. The only treatment is a program of action. 
I know I am not alcoholic because I drank.

I drank because I am alcoholic.

I stopped drinking and I am still an alcoholic.

I will always be an addict prone to use when left to my own devices. 
Today, I choose acceptance of my condition as it is.

I do not wake up in the morning and choose not to drink or use each day. Choice is gone. I will not fight my alcoholism or my addictive nature. I have surrendered.
Each day I choose recovery.

Each day I choose to treat my illness.

Each day I choose to live with a permanent, progressive and fatal illness on its terms, rather than die from it.

Each day I choose life.
“Why” is inconsequential…
~ S.D.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s