#neverremember

So I had a sobriety anniversary.

At first I was bummed when I didn’t receive the accolades I thought deserved from my mother, my kids and my ex.

“Don’t they know how important this is to me on my day?” The chatter was on full in my tiny little brain.

I paused. I asked the Universe for clarity and understanding. I meditated, keeping my mind open for an intuitive thought or inspiration. The same way I have learned during my time free from substance.

What was revealed to me is that this isn’t “my” day…this isn’t even “my” life. I have more than I deserve, more than I will ever be entitled to. I have a second chance at life that most never see. This anniversary isn’t about me. It is a testament to a New Way of Life.

The fact that the “normal” people who are closest to me didn’t remember my sobriety date was actually the biggest blessing I could ever hope for. The fact that they didn’t remember means that they have stopped counting days, weeks, months and even years. Me, living sober, my sobriety, is assumed and taken for granted. It isn’t special, it just IS. They aren’t waiting for me to relapse again.

They accept that this is the way I am now. They expect me to show up. They count on me to be a son, a father and a co-parent. They have learned that as long as I put recovery first, I am finally able to the person I was intended to be. This is healing. It means at least a small part of the damage I created has been repaired.

This has proven to be the greatest gift of all. I imagine this is what normal people must feel like-to be okay with what “is.”

I hope they never remember another sobriety anniversary, and instead when they look at me, all they see, is a living example of how to exist unanesthasized.

S.D.

3 thoughts on “#neverremember

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