New Ways To Love

Each day I discover new ways to love you

I fell in love with your perfect smile as it gave way to laughter

I fell in love with the look in your eye just between a twinkle and a tear

I fell in love with your tender touch as you stroked my arm

I fell in love with the words you wrote and what you have said

I fell in love with you in a moment that has grown into so much more

And now?
Now, I can’t wait to see how I fall in love with you tomorrow

~S.D.

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Cutlass Kate and Murk

The Legend of the Merman’s Tears
Mermaids are magnificent, magical creatures, well known and well documented in maritime legend and lore. But what of the Merman? No one ever speaks of them. Their history is long forgotten. Shrouded in mystery, only a few remember the tale of the Merman’s tears.
Mermen have untold gifts, as the watchers and protectors of the vast oceans, they can change the mighty course of seas at will. Neptune, the God of the ocean realm, created them in his own image, but he regretted giving them so much power. If humans knew how great the Mermen were, they would lose respect for the God of the seas, so Neptune strictly forbid all Mermen from using their amazing gifts.
On one particularly stormy night, the ocean swelled and churned without regard for anything human. A Ballinger of buccaneers piloted by Cutlass Kate, listed and lurched violently in the choppy waters.
The sea queen and first class pyrate, Katherine was no stranger to the Merman, Murk, who had often swam along the bow of Kate’s vessel with curious intrigue. This night Murk had been watching Kate, fearing for her safety.
Kate had survived many perilous journeys as the captain of her ship, but it seemed this time the fates had different plans for Kate and her band of pyrates. The sea rose and fell unpredictably and the crew bounced around indiscriminately trying to grab anything that would keep them on board the struggling ship. Each wave was more violent than the next and the hull of the ship was endanger of splintering.
In an instant, Murk tamed the waves, and altered the course of nature. Murk saved the life of the woman he had grown to love from afar.
Word reached Neptune and he was so angered that he banished the Merman Murk to the oceans depths, condemning him for eternity never to surface or swim along side of Cutlass Kate again.
Today, Murk’s glowing tears wash up on the beaches often mistaken as sea glass, an eternal reminder of a true love that could never be.

~ S.D.

F.E.A.R.

F.E.A.R.

I wish I could take credit for all of these, but what great reminders…

FEAR = Few Ever Arrive Rejoicing

FEAR = Failure Expected And Received

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real

FEAR = Fear Expressed Allows Relief

FEAR = Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects

FEAR = Fighting Ego Against Reality (constantly)

FEAR = Forget Everything and Run (polite version)

FEAR = Fuck Everything and Run! (not recommended–it’s what we used to do)

FEAR = Face Everything and Recover! (definitely recommended)

FEAR = Forgetting Everything’s All Right (not really!)

FEAR = Frustrated Effects of Always Running

FEAR = Frantic Efforts to Appear Recovered

FEAR = Fully Expecting Another Result

Fear is what we make of it. What does FEAR mean to you?

~S.D.

Uninterrupted

It is impossible to step in the same river twice.
The current is forever flowing.
I have been guilty of trying to freeze time because of my own selfcentered fear.
Terrified of what could be or what wouldn’t be, I was unable to move.
Then someone promised me that if I lived my life different that my world would be different too.
I can do something else.
I am part of a world in a constant state of change.
This moment will never exist as it is again.
I can hold on to an instant or let it go.
I cannot stop the flow.
But I do have a choice.

~S.D.

JUST. ONE. MORE.

Closing time

The party was already over and most of the crowd had left. Not that it mattered, it had been a long time since the bar was any fun. Drinking had become a necessity, not a choice.

“One more,” he slurred.

The bartender grinned and leaned in close, “this one will cost you your car.”

The drunk man was shocked at first. But laughed it off and drank. A small price to pay, he could always find another car.

“One more,” he demanded as he finished his drink and put the empty glass on the table.

The bartender looked at him from behind the poorly lit bar and said matter of factly, “this one will cost you your job.”

The drunkard paid no heed and slammed back the drink, staring at the bartender without blinking. It couldn’t possibly be true and if it was he would eventually find more work.

This continued and with each drink the price increased… His home. His family. His self-respect. His dignity. All traded for just one more. Each drink was followed with the logic and rationalization of his intoxication and insatiable craving .

Now it was last call, the bar was closing, but the drunk was still so very thirsty.

“I’m gonna need one more for the road, but I have given you everything I have.” The drunk was feeling desperate and uneasy, worried he wouldn’t get enough. JUST. ONE. MORE.

The bartender smiled, winked and slid one more drink across the bar. “This one will cost you your life.”

If you are like me, one more kills.

~ S.D.

This Is For You

If you are like me, then you have tried sobriety exhausting all human tools at your disposal. The methods will include staying sober using fear, consequence, avoiding temptation, changing geographical location, self-knowledge, obligation to work/friends/lovers, sheer willpower, memory of the worst day, love of children, just saying no, therapy/counseling, cataloging triggers, working out, coddling feelings, analyzing thoughts, going to meetings, sober support, crying to a sponsor and making promises. All of these tips and tricks yeild varying results, but ultimately nothing is fool proof.

If you are like me, you are an alcoholic/addict and can not manage your own life; no human power could ever relieve our suffering. My internal condition had been damaged past the point of self-repair. I needed something greater to produce an effect sufficient to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I suffer from an illness that only a spiritual experience can conquer.

If you are like me, you can’t stay sober on your own. I am convinced that left treated my sickness will progress to point where I have only one of two choices: “One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.”

If you are like me, you will go to meetings and join online recovery groups. You will meet people who appear to have suffered the same way you have. You will hear great ideas from well meaning people who don’t understand alcoholism or addiction. You may even stay clean and sober while you squirm, restless, iritable and discontented in your chair holding on with white knuckles. You won’t need a drink or a drug to suffer and want to die.

If you are like me, then there is a solution, a spiritual program of action that will give you a design for living where you don’t have to drink, use or suffer.

If you are like me, then this is for you…

~ S.D.

The Lion’s Tooth

Have you ever closely examined a dandelion?
It is magical.
Not only are they beautiful in their own right, but dandelions are the only plant that represents 3 celestial bodies-The herb’s golden flower is symbolic of the Sun; the head, filled with it’s seeds is reminiscent of the Moon; and when the seedlings are scattered, they become Stars filling the sky.
The dandelion’s flower wakes up in the morning, opening itself to greet each day. At night, when it is time to sleep, the flower closes itself to the world so it can dream.
Even it’s name is magical; derived from the French words “dent de lion,” meaning the lion’s tooth, because of the plant’s deep toothed and jagged leaves. It has great herbal significance. The herb was grown in fields for centuries and used for it’s amazing nutritional and medicinal properties. Each and every part of the plant can be used, from root to stem, to stalk to leaves and flower.

Then, sometime in the last 100 years, the Dandelion became known as a weed. When they sprang up in finely manicured lawns, the dandelion was seen as invasive and threatening to the idea of what tamed and ordered nature should look like. Ever since, people have tried to eradicate the dandelion with their poisons.
But the dandelion is one of the most prolifically propagating plants: they are masters of survival. Over 100 species of dandelions spread their seeds around the world and no matter what humans do, the dandelion will not be stamped out.
Each tiny seedling is a parachute of hope, broadcast across immeasurable distances looking for a place to take root. When we pluck a dandelion, make a wish and blow, we are spreading hope.

Hope cannot be extinguished or denied.
Hope only grows.

~ S.D.