The Exceptions

You might be sitting next to them at a meeting- broken people with nothing but the desire to stop drinking and using; yet, they seem unwilling, dishonest and closed-minded.

They will not believe they are powerless over drugs or alcohol- they will not recognize that their lives have become unmanageable.

They refuse to believe there is hope. They will not believe in anything other than their own self-will and determination.

They will NOT make a decision to turn their lives over to anything other than self.

They claim they are not slefish, dishonest, angry or fearful. They refuse to look at themselves.

They will admit nothing to anyone.

They cannot will themselves to change.

They do not even recognize there is anything to change.

They do not think they have harmed amyone.

They act entitled and deserving. They take whatever they think they want, no matter the cost.

They are not accountable or responsible. Rarely present, they only worry about what was and what will be.

They do not wish to grow or seek new experiences.

They have no message, only looking for what they can get, instead of what they can give.

They have not admitted they are alcoholic and still try to manage their lives. They look to human powers to relieve their suffering. They seek no connection to anything other than themselves.

These people are the EXCEPTIONS.
Welcome!

They are us, and we were them.
Remember, we are sitting in a room full of sick people trying to get well, just like us.
Let love and tolerance be our code, as we demonstrate these lives we have been blessed with.

~ S.D.

The Past Has Passed

We are held back from our highest potential by relationships without closure, paralyzing fear, and unresolved anger.We have lived with unprocessed pain and dodged dealing with the intolerable. We lied to ourselves, existing in a haze, anesthetized, numbed to the reality of our existence. We never learned how to live.

Personal growth is dependent on healing from the past. Healing requires that I develop self- awareness, right wrongs where possible and accept that some things are unchangeable. Without clear and honest understanding, I drift between denial and delusion. I either deny my pain or block it from my consciousness. I must become self-aware, right-sized and learn who I am.

Without balancing the scales, thrown off as a result of my behavior, I continue to be plagued by anger, fear and damaged relationships. I must make things right where I can, creating no more wreckage in the process. Without admission that some things cannot be the way I would like them to be, I can never be at peace. Events cannot be changed. Some situations are not for me to fix. When I surrender to what is, I become grounded in reality; efficient and effective in my actions.

In order to become who we are meant to be, we must heal and grow. We are patient and kind to ourselves as we learn to live, remembering that what we do today becomes our history tomorrow.

~ S.D.

Vision

Visions are different from dreams. Visions are fertile inspiration, a liquid intention wrapped in intuitive notion. Each one incubates in the soul and is birthed through the heart.

Visualize a small glimpse of light that shines and illuminates the path ahead.
A brief flicker, skips ahead of this Moment.
An amalgamation of what could be and what hasn’t happened.
This fluidity of potential partially reveals secrets of today, tomorrow and years from Now.

Visions emerge from us as our spirits whisper the map that is life.
They are premonitions of where we’re going, telling our hearts how to navigate.
The more conscious, clear and connected we are, the more we can tune into these visions of understanding our place in the stream of life.

How will I be beyond this moment?

What path am I on?

Why I am I doing what I do?

Where do I see myself headed?

When am I most effective?

Who do I want to be?

I am conscious. I seek clarity. I am connected. I see past myself. I am complete. I let go of what I think.

My dreams are mine and mine alone, but vision is drawn from the larger Universe, a small glimpse of starlight guiding the way. Learn to see from the soul and through the heart. Trust as we watch each vision come into focus. Practice nurturing them, as they manifest themselves.

When the path is dark, our sight adjusts intuitively. We become comfortable with the sparse twinkling of light. We let vision be the guide.

~ S.D.

Tradition

Tradition is a conduit through which we stay tethered, connected to history. It is a sum of the customs, beliefs and values that we pass down through time. Traditions are the offspring of practices that have given birth to a New Design for Living.

We are the children of a New Way of Life and the living embodiment of sacred tradition. Like any child, I must be allowed to grow and develop, while staying true to the legacy from which I was born.

I am the steward of freedom, brought forth from hopelessness entrusted with a solution for living which is proven to transform the most bleak of realities.

I am a harbinger of healing and growth, who’s sole purpose is to be of service to those about me.

My birthright is my blessing and my curse. Insignificant opposite the whole, yet uniquely qualified to pass on this torch of hope.

Let me be a reflection of those who came before me.
Guide me with direction and purpose.
Make me a custodian of faith.

“…we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone.”

~S.D.

Good Nightly Review

When I retire at night…

After the distractions of the day have subsided, I reflect on what was. I try to write something, even if it feels forced or contrived. Even if I am tired and don’t want to. Reflection helps me feel grounded and connected.

I review how I participated in the day. I ponder key questions including:
-Where was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
-Do I owe an apology or amends?
-Was I forthcoming?
-Was I kind and loving?
-Was I patient and understanding?
-How can I be a better example of what I want to see in the world?
-Was I able to be of service?
-Did I contribute to the greater good or did I take from it?

I try to show others forgiveness and embrace acceptance.
I recommit to grow closer to the person I strive to be.
I thank the Sun, the Moon and Stars that I have a promised place among them.
I remember to be grateful for all the blessings I get to experience.

I turn off the lights and close my eyes, safe and protected.

~S.D.

Addiction and Alcoholism

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Being in 12 step recovery for alcoholism/addiction has forced me to grow more in life than another experience. It has been a sort of Catch-22, because using drugs and alcohol arrested my growth and development for many years.

I drank and used to cope with intolerable situations and circumstances. I was restless, irritable and discontented with life and substances became my crutch and my solution. Getting sober catapulted me into a new way of living where I didn’t have to get loaded to face life. That fact that recovery would yield sobriety would have been a sufficient achievement on its own, but what I have experienced as a result of stopping has proven to be so much more than just not drinking alcohol or using drugs.

With the help of this program, I have restored relationships that I believed were unsalvageable. I have learned to deal with what is, instead of regretting what was or living in fear of what will be. I am able to show up for, and participate in, life. I learn how to be responsible and accountable for my actions. I have become fully self-supporting through my own causes. I have established a connection with a Power Greater than myself. I have made life long friendships and helped other people find a similar path.

I have grown up thanks to recovery. I am a worker among workers, a father, a man and a good human. I am forever indebted to those who have been there for me. I have insurance against alcoholism and addiction. I enjoy this sober life. It has become my duty to share this way of life with anyone who seeks it. I am twice born and blessed.

~S.D.

March 6th, 2023

With This Ring

My heart was heavy and my hand light
So I bought a ring to make it right

Made of jade was my selection 
To ward off evil, provide protection,

And give me strength through tough times
To take pause and see the signs 

Then one day, the ring it broke
Transferring troubles into hope

I read a book on what to do
I cleaned it, prayed and got some glue

Then bound the ring with with golden strand
And put it back upon my hand

For a month or two, it did its work
My heart was light and free from hurt

Then again, it fell apart
But just the ring, not my heart


~S.D. 

My Teacher

Pain stares ominously in my eyes.
I don’t blink.
I hide my fear.
Pain tells me to kneel, and in all my obstinacy I refuse.
We have danced this dance before and I know I haven’t reached my threshold yet.
I can tolerate more.
So, I resist, and Pain persists.

Pain smiles, knowing he can keep this up for an eternity.
Time means nothing to him.
Pain is unrelenting, jabbing at my body and soul.
I become even more stubborn, and he laughs.
My pride is tied to my tenacity and self-determination.
I am in denial of how weak I feel.
I sway and clench, clutching tighter to stave off Pain.

I tell myself that I am in control.
Wrapped in warped delusions, I almost believe my own lies.
But Pain breaks my hold, taunting tirelessly.
Sizing me up, he knows I am faltering.
Again, he commands me to submit.
Pain promises to stop this punishment if I will just stop fighting.
As a matter of perverted principle, I do not yield.

Then Pain comes at me again, pulling no punches, proving his point.
I crumble, crushed.
I never had a chance.
Beaten and broken by Pain, the greatest of persuaders.
I am begging for mercy.

I can get on my knees of my own free will, or be forced to them.
I have a choice:
Be humble or be hobbled.

S.D.

50 First Dates 47

I believe in magic. Prestidigitation and performance parlor tricks are cool, but they simply sleight of hand and illusion; just make believe. For me, real magic is a way of thinking that looks to invisible forces which influence events, effect change and bring the natural world alive into a new light. Magic cannot be sufficiently explained. If one doesn’t believe in it, then it will never exist for them. Conversely, if you look for magic you will see it in all things, great and small.

There are some people who are more in touch with these forces than other. LR was one such mystic practitioner. I met her a couple times, as a  friend of a friend. She was a good human and we both shared an unspoken connection. You know, one of those people you’ve never met before, but feel like you’ve known forever. We would end up commiserating together after a series of unfortunate events.

No one knows the sufferer’s grief, except another sufferer. When we lean on one another, we are stronger. LR bolstered my strength when I had none. I like to think I did the same for her. She reminded me that magic was real when I doubted everything. She helped me make sense of a world turned upside down. Supporting another human being is nurturing and  intimate. In our mutual vulnerability we found attraction.

She was into astral projection. Some skeptics scoff, but I find it fascinating, and magical. I had been dabbling in stuff like guided meditations, sensory deprivation and lucid dreaming exercises, trying to seek magic on my own. I believe there is so much untapped power that we can access if we would only open our minds to things greater than ourselves.

Astral projection, or transcending one’s physical self to travel across geographical and metaphysical distances, has been described as an out-of-body experience. As it has been explained to me, it is an intentionally manifested phenomenon whereby the astral body travels outside the physical body. LR was well practiced and shared multiple examples of her travels.

I have had psychedelic, out-of-body experiences as a result of drugs like LSD or mushrooms, but this wasn’t that. When she described it, I didn’t think she was crazy or high. But then again, I believe in magic, to someone who doesn’t, this probably seems insane.

When LR brought up leaving her body, I asked if she ever did it during sex. I am basically a 15 year old boy in a man’s body, and always end up making everything into a sexual joke (I work hard to squeeze it innuendo). She didn’t laugh though. To my surprise she said, “Of course!” To be honest, that sounded pretty hot, kinda like watching yourself having sex in real time. TMI?

As I understand it, astral travel can be used to visit other realms or go to different areas of earth without physically dragging your ass there. Since LR and I were geographically separated, I suggested that we meet on the astral plane. She agreed and offered some pointers on how to have an out-of-body experience. Transcendence for dummies 101.

I drew my blackout curtains, turned off all distractions, like I do for regular mediation and got ready to leave my body for a date in another realm. I was able to slip into a trancelike state relatively easily thanks to my nightly practice. My problem is when I am in such a relaxed state, I sink deep quickly, and end up falling asleep. I can’t even remember my dreams when I wake up.

I am pretty sure I stood up LR on the astral plane, but she wasn’t angry or upset about it. So chill. For all I know, she might have been hovering over me, watching me sleep, or perhaps we did hang out and I just don’t remember. Whatever happened, she didn’t tell me; I could have been probed and my memories erased. I didn’t feel as if I was probed, but how can I be sure? One thing I am sure of though, is that I got an amazing night’s sleep, so I would definitely be down to try again. Practice makes perfect.

~S.D.

February 22nd, 2023